I received an email from a friend asking me few questions about my blog.

Firstly, whatever is happening to me right now just want to make it clear that i don’t blame anybody, i don’t have regrets.Ahhhmm…. I decided to have mutual understanding with him and even call it as “relationship” though we hide it. I know the consequences. I know time will come he has to choose who he wants to be with. And i know i could be left behind.

Months of being together i feel he loves me though, I feel his care, concern and he has given me to much patience. It just happen i want to have proper relationship. Don’t i deserve it? I wanted him to sort things out because i still feel third party.

Before christmas it was dec. 23, 2008. i decided to break him up. Because im waiting for no assurance when we can sort things out? Yes, he called me and we were okay again. until we had argument again and i uttered words that hurt him so much that even i begged him to stay it was hard for him accordingly. He asked space and i have it to him.We seldom texts and call each other..

Until last night, he called to inform me they invited his girlfriend’s family for new year’s eve. Politely, i said okay no problem..They can talk and settle their problems and so he can decide what he really want to.

I just kinda feel bad because i thought he wanted space because of my words. I wondered does he wanted  space  because he will be seeing his girlfriend and that he might can sort things out between them? Is the reason for space (acted cold) so i wont get hurt more with the probability? Can’t he tell me directly to break me up because he doesn’t want to hurt me? Or because i am trying to help him with what he wants to pursue?

What i really wish is honesty..I understand it is so hard to choose especially when you dont want to hurt both parties. but honesty will set everyones free..

And yes i am waiting for his decision within the day..

Whatever it will be ill always be happy for him though i will be left behind..

Whoever he will choose check out in my next blog..

To pipay thank you for the nice inspiratuional message. Thanks for the advices i can always count on you..

When you love deeply, and that love is taken from you abruptly..the pain consumes you.

Life becomes the series of meaningless details.If you are lucky, you enter the state of blank. If you are not so fortunate, a thousand times a day , your heart iis pierced by a memory or a smell, or a stain of music or a phrase, or regret about something not done or you have done.

Loss is a lesson any sane being will do anything to avoid. I begged for him just to stay but  Everything was too late. The sheer emptiness of it is unimaginably frightening, and it is inevitable. I sustained a loss so complete for i wished my life to end. I don’t want to face the years ahead of me.

I loved a guy for the first time in my life. With the complicated situations i carried on. I decided to be with him though i know at the end i don’t have the assurance what will happened. I gave all my attentions, I did everything i thought would make him happy without knowing he was suffocated with the way i showed my love for. It might be the wrong way of showing my love. One day he decided to ask me for a Space which means for me “break up” which is just a refined way of saying so to avoid insult maybe.

Everything was shattered..partly i knew i made mistakes, because of uncontrolled jealousy..But are there any reasons he just don’t want to uttered?…

I prayed and asked god to help me move on. to give me strength. There i have realized God has plans for me. Plans that are more than what i am expecting. A future maybe without the guy i love for now. It could be someone God has chosen for me.

Trials are just to test us how strong our faith…

those words strike the fear of God in the heart of any woman who hears them and almost  every woman has. You head spins. your heart races. what does it mean? I’ll tell waht it means and you probably wont like it. It means he is thinking about ending the relationship, but hes either not totaly sure. Or he doesnt have the balls to dump you outright. I learned from experienced.

When the guy say so of course he is goin to expect a big upset. Give him just the opposite. Do not questions and do not start quizzing him about the parameters of your new special agreement. Even though you know that you might die, if you dont know the new rules. dont ask.Take some initiative and set the new rules your self. Space means space. No TEXT, EMAIL, NO CALLS until such time he dicided the space issue has passed. The more space between you the faster it will come. If you wont hear from hear for weeks keep your self busy and pack up the things he left that reminds you. However if you if you will hear from him in few days . He will befuddled by your absence. He will call to see if you are alive. keep it short. No relationship while he still need SPACE.

The best antidote to a man who need space is being interesting, alluring,  and totaly unavailable. If he calls and wants to “hook up” politely let him know, you are too tired from your activities.

The truth is that  if he says he needs more space , that is a good indicator you are quite possibly over investing your time and energy into the relationship ( its true that was his reason when he told me he wanted SPACE). Let that be an indicator that you need to adjust your course and give him the opportunity to pursue you a bit. Men are abit like dogs. If you chase them  they run, but if you walk away , they will almost always follow you down the street.